Many of us carry a voice inside that is quick to judge, criticise, or point out what we’ve done wrong. It might sound like: “I’m not good enough.” “I should have done better.” “Why do I always mess things up?” This voice is often referred to as the inner critic, and while it can feel harsh and relentless, it’s also deeply human.
At Re…root, we often help people understand and soften this inner dialogue. Letting go of your inner critic doesn’t mean getting rid of it completely. It means changing your relationship with it, so it no longer controls how you feel about yourself.
What is the inner critic?
The inner critic is the internal voice that evaluates, judges and compares. It often develops over time through:
- Early experiences (family, school, social environments)
- Cultural expectations and pressure
- Past mistakes or difficult experiences
- A desire to avoid failure or rejection
Although it can feel like an enemy, the inner critic often has a protective intention to keep you safe by pushing you to do better or avoid risk. The problem is that it tends to do this in a way that is harsh, unforgiving and unrealistic.
How the inner critic shows up
The inner critic can be subtle or very loud. You might notice it through:
- Constant self-doubt
- Perfectionism
- Fear of making mistakes
- Comparing yourself to others
- Difficulty accepting praise
- Overthinking and second-guessing
- Feeling not enough, even when things are going well
Over time, this voice can impact confidence, relationships and overall wellbeing.
Why it’s hard to let go
Letting go of the inner critic can feel difficult because it often becomes familiar and automatic.
You might feel:
- That it keeps you motivated
- That being kinder to yourself means lowering your standards
- That you don’t deserve compassion
- That the critic is telling the truth
But in reality, the inner critic rarely leads to sustainable growth. More often, it leads to anxiety, avoidance and emotional exhaustion.
A different approach – from criticism to curiosity
Rather than trying to silence the inner critic completely, a more helpful approach is to notice it and respond differently.
Become aware of the voice
Start by noticing when your inner critic shows up. What does it say and when is it most active? Awareness creates space between you and the thought.
Question its accuracy
The inner critic often speaks in extremes, using language like “always”, “never”, or “everyone else is better”. Ask yourself whether this is actually true and what you would say to a friend in this situation. This helps bring balance to the narrative.
Understand where it came from
Your inner critic didn’t appear out of nowhere. It may reflect past experiences, expectations, or messages you’ve absorbed over time. Understanding its origins can help you see it with more compassion rather than as a fixed truth.
Practise self-compassion
Self-compassion isn’t about ignoring mistakes. It’s about responding to yourself in a way that is supportive rather than punishing. Try acknowledging when something is difficult, speaking to yourself kindly, and allowing imperfection. Over time, this creates a more balanced inner voice.
Shift from pressure to support
Instead of asking “why am I not better?”, try, “what do I need right now?”. This shift moves you from criticism to care, which is far more effective for growth.
Reduce comparison
The inner critic often feeds off comparison. Limiting exposure to unrealistic standards, especially on social media, can help reduce its intensity.
How therapy can help
Working with a therapist can help you explore and soften your inner critic in a deeper way.
In therapy, you can:
- Understand the origins of your self-critical voice
- Recognise patterns that keep it active
- Develop a more compassionate internal dialogue
- Build confidence and self-trust
- Learn to relate to yourself with greater understanding
Get in touch today
Your inner critic may feel powerful, but it isn’t the whole story. It’s one part of your internal world and it can be reshaped over time. Letting go of the inner critic doesn’t mean lowering your standards or giving up on growth. It means creating a more supportive, realistic, and compassionate relationship with yourself.
If your inner critic feels overwhelming, you don’t have to navigate it alone. At Re…root, we support people to move from self-criticism toward self-compassion. Not by ignoring challenges, but by responding to them in a way that supports growth.